I went on a hike with my hiking class and it started off really well. I was able to keep up with my class and it wasn't very difficult. About a mile and a half into the hike I started getting really tired and not being able to breath very well. Then my insecurities started to take over my mind and I started to tell myself that I can't do this. Shortly thereafter I had a harder time breathing. Then dizziness set in. After that, I started crying because I was so embarrassed that I couldn't keep up with the rest of my group. Then I couldn't regulate my breathing any more. I finally stopped for a while and took a break. My teacher sopped and was there with me and told me it's okay, that they are going kind of fast and it's okay if I can't keep up. That I was doing the right thing and stopping before I couldn't handle it. That it's better to stop, catch my breath and move on. I basically had a freaking panic attack! During those ten minutes that I was sitting there with my teacher in the back of the line I had a kind of Epiphany.
My life is like a hike. As corny as that sounds, it's true. I spend so much time telling myself that I can't do things, and then it stops me from doing what I want/ need to do.
I start the hike thinking that it's going to be okay and I can make it.
Then half way through the hike I start getting tired. I start getting sick of hiking and want to stop now! Shortly after that I start getting really negative and telling myself that I won't be able to finish the hike. Then I have a hard time finishing it out.
I feel like that relates so my spirituality too. I am never good enough. I feel like I am always one step behind the people around me. Usually people tell me that I'm a good person and stuff like that but at times I don't really know about that.
I guess I'm just doomed to being one step less than others around me.
I doubt anyone reads this, but I just need to say it.
